Namaste, motherfuckers!

People say that the more mature you are, the smaller your circle will be. Probably its true. Sometimes, we need to cut off person(s) even if they are mean the world for us. Doesn't matter how much they worth for us, sometimes to keeping us safe, keeping us in peace, we need to lose them.

Here's today's story.

For the last few months, I am pregnant for our second baby. With the unhealed trauma, my husband asked for more baby and I said yes to that, hoping that everything will be better;my husband promised that we will learn and do better for this second chance. But things didn't work out as planned. My husband becoming the most asshole and jerk in this entire universe for me. He didn't learn, nor do better. I fought alone for myself and my pregnancy and this is totally depressing for me. 

The situation was spiking 2 days ago, while he hang out with his friend, without noticing that I needed him so much. Ive told him so many times that I needed him more than the last preggo and I hope that he will learn what I wanted as I told him clearly that I need better communication and better quality time. But what happened is, he became worse and I could not handle that depressing, annoying and I got furious. We got fight. He thought that I got unreasonable jealous. But no. This is accumulative. He often did a silent treatment once he made a mistake or when I got mad. We never got to a proper communication. Never said sorry even he know hes wrong, tho. When we talk, then I am the wrong party here.

This condition got worsened when my usband brought 3rd person into the party. This 3rd person talk to someone else about our situation and it becoming a big gossip in the circle. Besdes, I have another messages with people that I trusted, but then this person I trusted screenshooted the chat - conversation that supposed to be private to another people. 

So I got 2 problems here:

1. Fight with my husband that involving another party then made it as gossip

2. A backstabbing people who spread my private messages.

So today is the day. That backstabbing people talk shit in our group and responded by so many people. I felt my dignity was injured. Then suddenly, people who read my private message came and attacked me. I am injured, I got contraction in my tummy - resonse from the stress from my problem and the hit from that people who attacked me. My husband still doing nothing tho. He just remain silent while my dad stands for me. Maybe because the attackers was his friends, Idk. Few hours later I have to go to the hospital to check my baby, just in case because I felt pain in my tummy. 

Then, we talk about that backstabbing jerk. His guys was friend of mine, we talk a lot and keeping each other's talk. So we don't spread the information so far. But idk why that night he did that and bring me intounnecessary conflict. I never spread any secrets that he told me, or anyone's. I hope that when I keep people's secret then people will do the same for me. But I was wrong. That kind of world is just in my delulu. When I confronted him, he just say sorry and just said, "there's nothing I can do. its already there". What do I expect then? 

I am injured, my baby was in danger, I got backstabbed, and my husband did nothing. What do I expect?

After that confrontation, I file for divorce. I deserve better than this.

I cut them from my life. My baby and myself is more important.